What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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