There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
