cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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