Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
