The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
