My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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