i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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