A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
