hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
