I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
