this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think your dad took our porno
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
