i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
