I need to stop coming to work sober
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
