I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
