im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
