I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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