operation harelip BJ is a go
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
