hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
