Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Someone shit on the floor
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.