Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
