Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.