So drunk its hurt
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.