Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
