the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
