I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.