Non-Jews are for practice
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...