i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.