Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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