I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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