My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
