Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
