The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
