clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
