Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
