peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
