i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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