I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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