U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
