I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
