Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
