So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
