god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
