OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
