I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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