Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
