I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
