I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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