Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
