My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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