don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize