I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
