My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
