i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
