just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
