I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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