I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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