were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
