Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
