You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
