Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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