that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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