i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
