that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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