Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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