Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
