New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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