Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
