i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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