I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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