I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
