everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
